Omiai Totally Explained

Everything about Omiai totally explained

Omiai (お見合い, literally "looking at each other") or miai (the "o" is honorific) is a Japanese custom whereby unattached individuals are introduced to each other to consider the possibility of marriage. In China, this custom is called xiangqin (相親, literally "mutual familiarity").

History

In 16th century Japan the practice of Omiai emerged among the Samurai class to form and protect strong military alliances among warlords to ensure mutual support. Later, during the Tokugawa Period (1603-1868) the practice of Omiai spread to other urban classes trying to emulate Samurai customs. After the Pacific War, the trend was to abandon this restrictive arranged-marriage system, in favor of more Western ideals of love marriages (ren’ai). Currently, it's estimated that only between ten and thirty percent of marriages in Japan are arranged.

Participants

The participants in the Miai process include the candidates who are to potentially be married and the families of these candidates. The candidates and their families are judged on a large set of criteria aimed at determining the suitability and the balance of the marriage. This criteria is formally known in Japan as iegara (いえがら). This includes level of education, income, occupation, physical attractiveness, religion, social standing, and hobbies. Many modern women are stereotyped as looking for three attributes: height, high salary, and high education. This is commonly known as “The Three H” syndrome. The nakōdo is expected to play a variety of roles throughout the miai process. The first is the bridging role, hashikake (はしかけ), in which the nakōdo introduces potential candidates and families to each other. The second role is as a liaison for the two families. This role helps to avoid direct confrontation and differences in opinions between the families by serving as an intermediary for working out the details of the marriage. The third role is that of a guarantor who will help to mediate the couple in the case of marital disputes or to arrange a divorce in more serious situations. The daughter may be unaware that her parents have suggested her availability though the use of Onegai Shimasu. The potential mate and their family will meet with the nakōdo and examine all eligible persons. The nakōdo will often possess photographs of candidates and a “rirekisho”, a small personal history. Both the photographs and “rirekisho” may also be brought to the home of the potential mate’s family for the son or daughter to scrutinize. The participant and their family will examine the photos and short personal histories based on an investigation of social consideration. The educational level and occupations of the potential candidate’s family are the first aspects taken into consideration at this meeting. Although candidates rely on their photographs and resumes (rirekisho) in the modern miai process, an older custom known as ‘kagemi” (hidden look) was once employed. Kagemi occurred when a potential male candidate attempted to catch a glimpse of the girl in secret. The objective of the kagemi was to prevent embarrassing denials based on appearances., in which a “Yui-no”, or betrothal ceremony, will be arranged by the groom’s family. Women born during this year will often claim to have been born in the previous or following year. The belief is so widespread that in 1966, according to the Japanese Statistical Yearbook, the birthrate in Japan actually took a dip. Today, burakumin members may be identified by the region of the city in which they live or by their street address. The younger generation is more apt to adopting the Western philosophy of love where marriage is often preceded by romantic courtship. Konpa occurs when groups of four or five boys go out together with the same number of girls to see how they all get along. This particular method has become more popular since it's highly informal and doesn't involve parents.

Gender and Omiai

Although current rates of Omiai marriages are fairly low, encompassing only about twenty-five to thirty percent of all marriages, the persistence of Omiai in modern Japanese society can be explained by examining gender relationships. As discussed earlier, people that are past marriageable age, tekireiki are more likely to utilize the Omiai process. The idea of the cutoff age is still taken quite seriously. Women who remain unmarried past tekireiki are treated as inferior and compared to Christmas cake (kurisumasu keeki) fresh up until the twenty-fifth but on each succeeding day the cake becomes less appetizing and edible. A newer expression replaces Christmas cake with toshikoshisoba, or a dish of noodles drunk to see out the year on the thirty-first. Males seem to possess only a bit more latitude. A man who doesn't marry by about 30 is considered untrustworthy by colleagues and employers, who believe that such men have not been conditioned to learn the fundamental principles of co-operation and responsibility. For males, marriage also makes an implicit statement about staying in the family business. Males that engage in Omiai often occupy dominant roles within the marriage. Omiai marriage has been criticized for promoting patriarchal relationships with traditional power structures and distinct divisions of labor between males and females. While males are seen as the dominant providers, women are seen as symbols of cultural refinement through their participation in ceremonies such as flower arranging and tea ceremony. Further Information

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